Circle of Life

Yesterday we had our follow up ultrasound to check on Squirt's kidneys.  They looked great! Any issue there may have been was resolved on it's own.  I'm glad I didn't stress too much about it.

Reid and I were a little excited to get an extra sneak peek at our little babe.  We've never taken a look past the 20 week mark.  I asked our ultrasound tech if we would get any pictures, she says usually they don't when it's something specific, obviously she didn't do what she was "suppose to" or we wouldn't have the above picture, or the million to follow below...more than from our 20 week actually.  :)

Squirt was hiding a bit, but with a little talking to s/he moved so we could see his/her face.  We may have another tummy sleeper and blanket by the face baby, yeah yeah, we break all the rules.

Heart rate was in the 140s

I had my regular prenatal check this morning and I brought the girls along since it would be a quick in and out.  They were so excited to be my helpers and to hear the heartbeat.

It was in the 140s again with a lot of movement while we were listening, showing off for it's big sisters already :)

Everything is progressing as it should and right on track.  I only gained one pound in 4 weeks, kind of surprised with all of my indulging after passing my early diabetes test :)

It's fun to "daydream" the third time around.  After knowing what we know now.  Each ultrasound looks so similar, but we've learned how very different each Babe really is.  The daydreaming is also limited when you don't know the gender, and I kind of like that.  I remember once we learned Libby was a girl I started piecing it all together.  Sisters! They'll share clothes and a room and... I didn't really get to that point during my pregnancy because I didn't want to set up expectations one way or another, way to many what ifs and hmmms and haaaas

I guess for me, it allows baby to decide it's future, rather, than dreaming too far ahead without having met him or her.  If that makes any sense.  I'm truly 50-50 on this one.  I've leaned way boy for a while and way girl for a while too.  It'll be a fun surprise, that's for sure!

Little praying hands

We often get asked if we're trying for a boy.  I'm not a big fan of that question.  We didn't decide to add another member to our family because we want one gender over another, we just wanted another member to our family.  Boy or girl.  I won't be disappointed with either.  God knows exactly what we need :)

My favorite picture

We're so very excited to meet you Squirt, give or take 15 more weeks!

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July 4, 1994.  20 years.  It's been 20 years since my dad died.  That's craziness to me.  This isn't to be sappy and move from the high of a new baby to the low of death and dying.  If you know me, I'm not like that, never have been, never will be.

I'm surprised at how my missing of him has changed so much over the course of those 20 years.  Never did I think I'd miss him any less, or forget the memories, but I didn't know how different the missing of him would be.

He was 38 when he died.  I just turned 30, I'm approaching the age I last knew him at, that's kind of weird.  The more situated {is that the right word}, comfortable? understanding? I become to the fact of having a family and being a mom, the more I think of him and wonder and remember.

And then there is Sally.  My 5 year old who is a thinker, a deep thinker.  Death is a very tricky subject.  It's important to understand it, but not so much that it goes beyond her and scares her.  One of the best things I've learned as a parent is less is more.  Let the child do the asking and the talking.  If they're smart enough to think of the question, they're smart enough to understand the answer.  As long as the answer is given in a simple way, not a big long explanation.

She talks about Grandpa Joe all of the time.  Probably daily.  Prayers for him all of the time.  Sweet little prayers.  Now she's been asking a lot about how he died. I've been getting about a question a day for a few weeks now, and repeating/summarizing what she remembers from her previous questions, to make sure she's understanding it right.

Why did he drown?
How deep was the water?
Was anyone with him?
How did he teach you to swim if he died? {Hard for her to understand he was my dad for 10 years}

It's hard, but it's refreshing.  I like to talk about it.  It doesn't bother me one bit.  He's just as much a part of her as I am, if it wasn't for him {and many others}, there would be no Sally or Libby or Squirt.  But again, it's a different kind of missing him that I didn't expect.

I also don't want Sally to have a fear of water or boats or swimming or what have yous because of the questions she asks, so that's tricky too.

It's kind of strange that she's so intrigued by it now, coming up on the anniversary of his death.  She didn't even know that, I hadn't told her the date.  I didn't want her to think that someone would die that day or that it should be a sad day.  Because again, if you know me, it's not.  Ordinary days can be harder than the days you would think should be hard.

So, 20 years, craziness!

When we were home for Memorial Weekend we played a few games of Uno, it was kind of fun to find this in the box.  Crazy we hadn't found it or seen it before now.

His Handwriting even {Jack, Jenno, Me}

And another of my favorites, that I post quite often.

Cheers to my Old Man {he used to say that a lot}! We hope you're enjoying a nice cold Premium and a good game of cribbage.

We miss you like crazy and love you a whole bunch!